An Intro-Guide to a Sex Positive You by Rosenstock Yael

Author:Rosenstock, Yael
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: sex positivity, sex guide, sexuality, sexual health, sex guide book, sex guide for women, sex guide for men, sexology
Publisher: Kaleidoscope Vibrations, LLC
Published: 2018-12-08T00:00:00+00:00

How do you feel when you have sex that you didn’t want to have?

How do you feel when you learn that your partner had sex with you when they didn’t want to?

How can you communicate discomfort?

Are there situations in which you know that you don’t want to have sex that can be communicated in advance (after a fight, being woken up for sex, after seeing certain people, etc.)

3. This person has a level of power over you and you fear what could happen if they are angered by your rejection

There are successful relationships in which people date their employees, date with notable age differences, or date with different levels of notoriety in the community. These relationships are not in and of themselves negative. However, the potential for exploitation is raised by the circumstances. Therefore, if you are approaching someone who in some way holds less power than you, approach with an abundance of caution. As with any situation, ensure that you are kind, open, and respectful. Make it clear that rejection is an option and that it will not hinder the relationship or the person’s status. If you are incapable of offering those promises, then you should not be placing someone in the position of having to accept or decline your invitation. Seek out someone over whom you do not hold power so that you can avoid placing them in an unfair and unsafe situation if they choose to reject your advances.

4. This person has threatened to take something important away from you if you do not do as they say

There are those who will threaten harm or to take away access to resources. This places individuals in a very difficult position. Risks may include threatening one’s job or housing stability, guardianship or access to children, or the release of information individuals do not want known.

5. You fear this person will assault, rape, or kill you if you do not go along with their request

These last few reasons one might fear rejecting another are extreme; however, they are not necessarily rare. I began being catcalled at 10 years old. I “adapted” quickly -- walking with my middle fingers in the air and curses spewing from my mouth to the ears of the men who thought it was appropriate to hit on me. By 14, I had been followed around the neighborhood by an adult male, yelled at, honked at, and touched. My aunt noticed my response to these men and warned me to stay quiet. She warned me to stop responding and potentially inspiring them to further action. I now weigh the circumstances and determine how I want to respond given my fear that men angered by my responses may choose to attack me as a “punishment” for my rejection. Though the fault would be theirs, the consequences of their actions would be mine to bear.

The previous examples all address the “fear to reject.” Below are examples of the “fear of rejection”

1. Fear of killing the mood (better to kill

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